[Robotgroup] Fw: Just in case you need a laugh

[brooksdesign]

>> Just in case you need a laugh:
>> Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school 
>> diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our 
>> jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe 
>> sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The 
>> mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and 
>> then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
>>
>> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are 
>> some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a 
>> P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
>> engineers.
>>
>> By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an 
>> accident.
>>
>> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>> *
>> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>> *
>> P: Something loose in cockpit
>> S: Something tightened in cockpit
>> *
>> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>> *
>>
>> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
>>
>> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>> *
>> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>> S: Evidence removed.
>> *
>> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>> *
>> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>> S: That's what friction locks are for.
>> *
>> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
>> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>> *
>> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>> S: Suspect you're right.
>> *
>> P: Number 3 engine missing.
>> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
>> *
>> P: Aircraft handles funny.
>> (I love this one!)
>> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
>> *
>> P: Target radar hums.
>> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>> *
>> P: Mouse in cockpit.
>> S: Cat installed.
>> *
>> And the best one for last...
>> *
>> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding 
>> on something with a hammer.
>>
>> S: Took hammer away from midget.


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